


Free

by celeste9



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Character Study, Female Friendship, Friendship, Gen, Motherhood, Post-Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 01:54:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14660901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celeste9/pseuds/celeste9
Summary: “Can’t say I ever imagined I’d be watching my son play in a Force tree on Yavin 4 with another rebel’s son, though,” Leia added.“Not what you pictured when you were evacuating the base in the temple?”Leia’s mouth quirked. “Not exactly. Though to be fair, I didn’t spend much time imagining a future at all.”“I did,” Shara said, sitting forward. “All the time.”





	Free

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [StarWarsMothersDayPromptFest](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/StarWarsMothersDayPromptFest) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> It's a new universe without the EMpire, and the new kids growing up in it don't have the scars Leia and Shara grew up with.

Shara sat in the grass, leaning back on her hands, watching Poe and Ben clamber through the branches of the Force tree. She couldn’t believe how big it had gotten – nor how big the boys were. It seemed like yesterday the tree had been barely more than a seedling, Ben just a red-faced baby crying, Poe a warm bundle in her arms.

“They’re getting along well enough,” she said.

Leia brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Ben is enamored.”

“Of Poe?”

“You haven’t noticed? He’s been following him around like a lost cub all week.”

Shara considered. “I figured he just preferred Poe to me and Kes.”

“I know Ben. It’s not about preference or the lesser evil between us and Poe; if he didn’t like Poe, he’d be sulking on his own. He’s fascinated.”

Laughing, Shara said, “Well, I suppose Poe’s a bit of a special bird when you meet him.”

“So’s Ben,” Leia said wryly. “Just a different sort of bird.”

And they both got to grow up in a galaxy that was free. It hit Shara, as she watched the boys play, that they had done it. Everything, leaving Poe behind, worrying over Kes, it had won them the peace they had fought for.

“Can’t say I ever imagined I’d be watching my son play in a Force tree on Yavin 4 with another rebel’s son, though,” Leia added.

“Not what you pictured when you were evacuating the base in the temple?”

Leia’s mouth quirked. “Not exactly. Though to be fair, I didn’t spend much time imagining a future at all.”

“I did,” Shara said, sitting forward. “All the time.” When Leia looked sideways at her, curious, Shara went on, “The future was why I was there, and not with Poe. To win him this.” She gestured around her. “Somewhere safe to grow up, to run around and play and be free, out from beneath the thumb of the Empire.”

Shara had wanted Poe to have everything she hadn’t. She had been small when the Republic fell, and all she remembered was the Empire. Kes was the one who knew how to put it best, the hopelessness, the fear, the dread. The not knowing if life would get worse and the helpless knowledge that it would never get better.

She had never wanted that for Poe.

Leia was quiet a moment longer. “I guess I can’t imagine what it was like. Having a family already, and choosing the Rebellion. My parents were… It felt like the Rebellion chose me, and then it became all I had.”

Alderaan. It had seemed impossible at first, that the Empire could have destroyed an entire planet. That they  _ would.  _ It had been so difficult to sort out what was truth and what was propaganda, to sort reality from lies and embellishment. She remembered Kes bringing home the crumpled Rebellion poster,  _ never forget. _

Then Poe had been born, and Shara and Kes had held him in their arms and known that this wasn’t the life they wanted for him. So much of Leia’s involvement in the Rebellion had been built on loss, but Shara’s had been built on love.

“The hardest thing I have ever done in my life,” Shara said, “was walking away from my son. He was always on my mind, in bunkers, in my cockpit, everywhere. He was my reason.”

“A good reason,” Leia said, her eyes where Shara’s were, on the carefree boys swinging from branch to branch. “He was a tangible hope for you.”

“Something to hold onto, always. I think that made me lucky.”

“I don’t think I knew how to do anything else,” Leia said, and Shara was almost surprised at her depth of honesty. Leia had never been much for introspection, and certainly not to Shara. “I didn’t know how not to fight. I’m not sure I even know now. I worry that… I’m not a good mother for Ben. I wish I could… have this, like you do, a life, where your family is first, but I don’t know how to put the New Republic aside.” 

“Leia,” Shara said, and scooted towards her. Leia wouldn’t look at her. “Remaining in the Senate doesn’t make you a bad mother.”

It had been a difficult enough choice for Shara to leave after Endor. She couldn’t begin to fathom how much harder it would be for Leia, who had been entrenched in the fight for so long, whose parents had helped build the foundation of the Rebellion, who had lost so much. Sometimes Shara wondered where she would be now if Kes hadn’t been so set on retiring.

“Perhaps not,” Leia said, and she still wouldn’t look at Shara. “But I’m not there for him like I should be. Being a mother isn’t… I didn’t exactly plan this. I’m not sure I know what I’m doing.”

Shara laughed and then felt terrible about it. “You think Kes and I do?” she asked, hoping it would soften her reaction. “Poe is a whirlwind of trouble neither of us entirely knows how to handle. We’re mucking about the best that we can; that’s all you can do.”

“I think…” Leia swallowed. “I think my focus is too split, and that’s not fair. It’s not fair to Ben. But I don’t know how to stop.”

Shara didn’t think there was actually anything she could say that would help, or that wouldn’t sound patronizing. She could say that Leia needed to find a balance but that was obvious; the problem seemed to be that Leia didn’t feel she could, or that she could find the right one. She seemed to think she teetered too far towards the New Republic, and not enough towards her family.

Shara didn’t know if that was true, and she didn’t know how to help.

“Ben seems happy enough,” she finally said, somewhat hesitantly.

“I think Poe’s to thank for that. Ben hasn’t smiled this much in months.”

“Poe is the cheerful sort.” Even when Shara was completely fed up with him, it was hard not to end up smiling at him. He was frustrating and aggravating and absolutely the best thing that had ever happened to her.

“Have you noticed? Ben’s trying to show off, he’s using the Force to climb more easily.” Leia was actually smiling a bit now and Shara couldn’t even say how much of a relief it was to see that.

“I thought he seemed particularly agile.”

“He’s got his father’s showmanship, that’s for sure.”

_ And his mother’s skill,  _ Shara thought but knew better than to say. She knew Leia had more in common with her Jedi brother than she liked to let on, but she also knew that Leia didn’t like to make much of that.

Leia turned to Shara, suddenly utterly serious. “How the hell do I raise a Force-sensitive son? You know I could feel it, when he was growing?” Leia’s hand was resting on her belly, like she was drifting in a memory. “Luke is trying, but we’re both in the dark here. Han is… Well. You know how Han feels about hokey mystical religions.”

“I mean, my kid’s just crazy. I don’t know what to tell you,” Shara said, feeling useless and stupid, but Leia snorted in laughter. “Sorry,” Shara said, a bit shame-faced, but also biting her lip against a smile.

“No,” Leia said, waving her off. “Don’t be.”

Shara touched her fingertips to Leia’s knee. “I think we all just have to do the best we can, and accept that we’re gonna make a lot of mistakes. At least we gave them a world that’s better than the one we grew up in.”

“That’s something,” Leia said, and squeezed Shara’s hand.

“It’s everything,” Shara said, and watched Poe jump to the ground and take off running, Ben just behind on his shorter legs. “It’s Poe’s birthday in a few months. Why don’t you bring Ben back here for it? Yavin seems to suit him, and I’d like to think it suits you, too.”

“I’d like that,” Leia said, her smile returning, brighter than before.

It was a free galaxy for all of them.


End file.
